Manatees Invade the Northeast
Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, but three times is a trend. The manatee in the Hudson River was an accident — the Christopher Columbus of manatees if you will. The manatee in Rhode Island...
View ArticleThey Live . . . in the North
No ocean, river, or fjord is safe. The manatees are attacking. We’ve warned you before. Now is the time to take notice. Three times is a trend.
View ArticleManatees Aren’t Dumb
They just act stoned. As Dean Wormer would tell you, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.” We can rule out that manatees are drunk — although alcohol run off from Panama City Beach may...
View ArticleYou’re Only Making them More Eager to Begin the Invasion
Jacob appears to be an enemy combatant in the War on ManateesTM. They are attacking the Northeast United States via our inland waterways. Jacob, who lives west of the continental divide, is safe from...
View ArticleI Warned You About the Manatees!
Don’t say I didn’t warn you. We have irrefutable evidence that the manatees are attacking. We’re only now gaining insights into their advance technology. Only a week ago did I say to Sandy: And I’m...
View ArticleManatee Genomics
We’ve told you about the manatees making their move from the southeastern United States to the northeast. We warned you that the sea cows ain’t as dumb as you thought they were. We took you inside...
View ArticleThe Motivations of the Attack are Made Clear
URGENT: We have a new update from the War Against Manatees. The Bad Reporter has a dispatch from the great manatee migration. While the enviro-terrorists are claiming global warming is to blame, we...
View ArticleCulling a Threat to Our Liberty
Manatees may be reclassified as threatened; they are currently listed as endangered. Any good patriot will recognize this as a smart move to defend our safety. If we can stop them before they reach...
View ArticleGiant Squids, Other Squids, and Manatees
Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey and her husband Benny, as part of their H-O-W series of books, have produced an absolutely dispensable piece of misinformation, the third in a series of we can only hope not...
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